Funny – Page 40

Download – The Bruce Willis Clone

Discovery Channel has started a new series called Download: The True Story of the Internet. Not a long series; it’s basically about the story of the World Wide Web since it’s beginning till now. The major bits, that is. I saw the first episode, which was about the IE-Netscape browsers wars – and it was quite fun. Of course, everyone has heard of the huge ‘e’ the IE team left in front of Netscape’s office, but watching actual pictures and hearing about the whole incident from the defiler and the defilee makes an interesting watch.

What really caught my attention though was the show’s host. He’s some tech journalist, who wears an attire like Bruce Willis in Die Hard 4; is bald, again like Bruce Willis; and even sports a stubble exactly like Bruce Willis’ look in Die Hard 4. He doesn’t do much, except keep walking out of street corners into the camera’s field of vision (with a Bruce Willis type swagger) talking about key bits of the story. The punch line? His name is John Heilemann. Aw shucks. Discovery should’ve stuffed him with wads of cash to make him officially change his name to John McLane, just for fun. After all, they Discovery does have a LOT of money (they blew up three jet planes).

The series is worth watching. With a title like Download: The True Story of the Internet, it would truly be ironic if they try to stop people from downloading this from peer-to-peer networks (the pirates can always claim innocence by saying they were doing what the title said).

Down with dustbins!

Five blasts happened in Delhi today. I’m surprised how many of our family relatives called up to ask if we were OK. Although I can understand that on most Mondays people feel like blowing up a few government babus, thinking of RKP as a target is a joke. I was thinking of hotfooting it to Ghaffar Market. To stuff a few iPhones into my pocket (there must be a few lying around), and then selling it to suckers on eBay at a fat profit. Cellphone networks have gone down too because of all the hysteria – SMS centres are down, GPRS is slow, phones are unreachable. Do everyone a favor by not flooding the cellular system and DON’T PANIC. 😛

As usual, the ‘news channels’ are having a gala time. They got hold of some kid who says he saw the baddies, and asked him the question which has to be on everyone’s mind right now – “Aapko kaisa lag raha hai?” (“How do you feel about that?”). Poor lad, had to improvise something out of thin air.

photo The real culpritsGiven what happened last time blasts happend, I think I can predict what will happen this time. In earlier cases (like Jaipur and Ahmedabad) terrorists strapped bombs onto cycles. So what did the police do? Promptly issued notices to all cycle shopowners to demand for identity proof before selling a cycle. Get a clue! Those who use cycles are mostly migrant labourers who aren’t that likely to tote around PAN card or a voter ID. Bombs are the problem, not the cycles. Using the same logic, we can arrive at the conclusion that the ‘culprits’ in Delhi’s case are dustbins – since the terrorists left bombs in dustbins this time. I’m pretty sure Delhi Police (Bhith You, Phor You, Allbej) will soon announce they are going to remove each and every dustbin from the city. Maybe I’ll need a license now for the wastepaper basket in my room.