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Three Strikes, and Out

It’s bird, it’s a plane, it’s…a goal!

Exactly how much – too much – current media relies on technology became clear in today’s Euro 2008 semi-final match between Germany and Turkey. But first, the match. Germany WON, 3-2! Yay! There were times when Turkey did look to be giant killers, but Germany showed their class by outclassing Turkey is spectacular style towards the end of the match. There were times after that thrilling Netherlands vs France 4-1 match that I thought of finding a new team to support, i.e., Netherlands, because Germany was in very grave danger of not qualifying; but today’s match shows why Germany is such a strong contender for the cup.

Michael Ballack doesn’t like Flying Turks?

Which brings me to the ‘towards the end of the match’ bit. ESPN (and I later came to know, ALL broadcasters around the world) lost their coverage not once, not twice, but THRICE during the second half of the semi-final. It was really really irritating. At one point when the feed was lost, the score was tied at 1-1, and when it came back on after a few minutes, it was 2-2! Argh! What was more frustrating that they had footage of ONLY the Turkish goal which was done during that blackout period – the one by Miroslav Klose which had taken Germany to 2-1 was lost. Even the boffins back at the studio had NO idea what had gone wrong and what was happening in the match. There were simply a few whispers they made about “maybe losing electrical power”.

Later we got the whole story. The problem was not at Basel, Switzerland where the match was being held; but at the broadcasting centre at Vienna which was uplinking the feed via satellite to every other broadcaster. Apparently, there was an electrical storm, plus a good dose of lightning strikes at the broadcast centre which simply took the whole power out. THRICE during the match. And because it was the place everyone was getting data from, it also meant that Internet services which were providing score / match tracking were taken clean out of the picture. It still doesn’t explain the fact why even later they didn’t have the footage of the missing bits, because THAT would have been taken on film I guess. I didn’t stick around listening to clueless commentators though, so maybe they did get that stuff much later.

‘Twas agonizing, but also quite funny in a sense. The people back at the ESPN studio had absolutely NO clue what was going on…or what on earth to talk about during the blackout. If those blackout periods had lasted a bit longer, they’d probably have had to resort to talking about their pet cats for all we know. Even they had their sense of humor though…

We’re getting some reports that this loss of the video feed has been caused by a ‘lightning strike’. Now we’re assuming that’s ‘lightning’, the weather phenomenon, rather than people going on a sudden strike…

ESPN’s cover was blown on another issue too – the ‘laptops’ they keep in the studio. Hewlett-Packard is one of the sponsors of ESPN, and they’d kept these laptops in prominent display in the studio. Probably plastic dummies, because they’re NEVER used. Even in this particular situation, it became pretty apparent that it was only for show, as the four people in the studio sat twiddling their thumbs – couldn’t use the ‘laptops’, could they? 😉

Particularly frustrating was not being able to catch the winning moment. Yes, the feed came back on to show the goal which the score to 3-2 in Germany’s favor, but the feed was lost again. The situation was so pathetic, that ESPN had to resort to showing videos of fans waiting outside the stadium – probably shot through a cellphone and uploaded on the Web – during the final moments of the game.

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Don’t They Ask Rhetorical Questions On News Channels?

Something I don’t understand about news channels in India is why on EARTH do they ask rhetorical questions. By ‘news channels’, I mean English news channels because it has been scientifically proven by now that the Hindi ones are run by spirit-possessed retards. And even when I saw ‘English news channel’, I mean Times Now and CNN-IBN. Headlines Today never shows news and seems to be in perpetual advertisement break whenever I switch to it, showing their stupid ‘We’re refreshingly different retarded’ ads; and NDTV 24×7 with its garish colors looks more like a pr0n channel, coupled with shoddy reporters.

Compared to everyone else, CNN-IBN and Times Now are quite sensible. Comparatively, that is. For instance, what is the need to have a 30-second video clip looping over and over again for a four-minute news article? Makes my head spin. Admit it, that you’ve no footage, and move on.

Coming the questions themselves, which are so mind-bogglingly stupid and rhetorical. Following are actual questions which the studio anchors asked their reporters (or reporters asking people), followed by the answers I’d have given to those retards if it was me who was asked such silly questions:

Anchor (after Jaipur blasts – may the victims rest in peace): Now this is the first time a major terrorist incident has occurred, do you think the more security forces will be posted in public places?
Reply:
No. They’ll all be busy protecting the IPL cheerleaders from being hit by (water bottle) missiles.

Reporter (to an obviously frightened small kid who was there at a blast site): How do you feel about it?
Reply: Great! Blood, mayhem all around, seems right out of 300. Any idea which movie is being shot here?

Reporter (to Joy Bhattacharya, advisor on the Kolkata Knight Riders team – he’s an amazing quizmaster too): How do you feel that your team is on a winning streak?
Reply: I’m highly disappointed with the outcome. I had bet a lot of money into our team losing, because conducting quizzes hardly pays anything. Ruddy bastards, they keep winning. Maybe I should try and get Shoaib beat up Ganguly with his bat…

See what I mean? Utterly ridiculous interviews. Try seeing one on BBC or CNN. OK, BBC, not CNN, because the latter is after all, an American television network.

Douglas Adams wrote in The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy:

Ford Prefect had discovered that human beings had this habit of stating the obvious. He conjectured that if a human stops talking, their brains would start working…

May not be the exact quote, but that was the gist of it. Nicely illustrated by a scene from one of the later episodes:

Arthur Dent: Zaphod, it seems like you’ve fallen down a 30-foot hole.
Ford Prefect: Arthur, I think he knows that.

Oh well, hope normality is restored soon.